Day 3 …Mourning

You changed my mourning into dancing. You took off my funeral clothes and dressed me up in joy. Psalm 30:11 (CEB)

The Psalmist tells me my titles from yesterday and today should be reversed. Yesterday, we danced. Today, many of us mourn. There is still a glimmer of hope that the mourning can turn to dancing tomorrow. But tonight, my soul is weary. My mind is tired and my emotions unsettled. I feel like I need to get my funeral clothes ready.

Yesterday morning I was prayed over by a delegate from West Virginia (in the blue jacket in the picture below) and a delegate from Penn-Delaware. We were instructed during a time of prayer that followed the presentation from the Commission on a Way Forward to gather with two folks outside our delegation, share our personal concerns and hopes for the work of the General Conference and pray for one another. One of the others asked us to pray that he could hear God’s voice in how we move forward. The other also asked for greater clarity. My hope: that no matter what happened, love would win.

Tonight, love seems absent.

Tonight, it doesn’t feel like we’re living by either of the first two rules of discipleship given to us by John Wesley: do no harm and do good.

Tonight, I’m not sure I can continue to be United Methodist if the name stays with a church that is more harmful to persons who are LGBTQ+ than we are now.

Tonight, I pray for God to move us in a different direction.

Tonight, I cry for the denomination that has raised me and made me who I am.

Tonight, I mourn.

Tomorrow, I will fight for one more day.

8 thoughts on “Day 3 …Mourning

  1. We’re all right there with you, Martha. Tomorrow is a brand new day for life, love and possibilities. Nothing is impossible with God.

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  2. I wonder who I am if I am not a United Methodist . . . I never thought that my obit would Not say “she was a lifelong Methodist”. But now I think that I am sick and sad and hopeless. Thank you for your faithful witness and voice for those of us that you represent.

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  3. Martha, you are not alone in your struggle, grief, and mourning. Thank you for so generously sharing your thoughts. Thank you for being there and carrying this burden. I am lifting you up daily.

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